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    You are in: Home / Recipes / Christmas Cake Recipe
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    Christmas Cake

    Total Time:

    Prep Time:

    Cook Time:

    5 hrs

    1 hr

    4 hrs

    Phyllis Elias's Note:

    Christmas Cake is one of the traditional joys of the holiday season - but it also fills the producer with terror - in case it isn't perfect. This is the antidote, and is exactly what you need for Christmas - a laugh!

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    Ingredients:

    Serves: 4-6

    Yield:

    cake

    Units: US | Metric

    Ingredients

    Directions:

    1. 1
      Sample the Vodka to check quality.
    2. 2
      Take a large bowl, check the Vodka again.
    3. 3
      to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.
    4. 4
      Repeat.
    5. 5
      Turn on the electric mixer.
    6. 6
      Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
    7. 7
      Add one teaspoon sugar.
    8. 8
      Beat again.
    9. 9
      At this point it is best to make sure that the Vodka is shtill OK.
    10. 10
      try another cup-- just in case.
    11. 11
      Turn off the mixerer.
    12. 12
      Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in a cup of dried fruit.
    13. 13
      Pick fruit up off floor.
    14. 14
      Mix on the turner.
    15. 15
      If the dried fruit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.
    16. 16
      Sample the Vodka to check for tonsisticity.
    17. 17
      Next sift two cups of salt.
    18. 18
      Or something.
    19. 19
      Who giveshz a whip.
    20. 20
      Check the Vodka.
    21. 21
      Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
    22. 22
      Add one table.
    23. 23
      Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink.
    24. 24
      Whatever you can find.
    25. 25
      Greash the oven.
    26. 26
      Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
    27. 27
      Don't forget to beat off the turner.
    28. 28
      Finally throw the bowl through the window, finish the Vodka and kick the cat.
    29. 29
      Cherry Mistmas!

    Ratings & Reviews:

    • on December 11, 2012

      55

      Made me laugh out loud!

      people found this review Helpful. Was this review helpful to you? Yes | No
    • on December 16, 2009

      55

      Love it..I needed the laugh! Thanks for posting!

      people found this review Helpful. Was this review helpful to you? Yes | No
    • on December 15, 2009

      55

      Now, I can't say that I've tried it yet (too many little kids running around these days) but I will! :-) Thank you so much for such a funny recipe, makes my day every time I read it!

      people found this review Helpful. Was this review helpful to you? Yes | No

    Read All Reviews (13)

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    Nutritional Facts for Christmas Cake

    Serving Size: 1 (483 g)

    Servings Per Recipe: 4

    Amount Per Serving
    % Daily Value
    Calories 1553.0
     
    Calories from Fat 49
    18%
    Total Fat 5.4 g
    8%
    Saturated Fat 1.5 g
    7%
    Cholesterol 211.5 mg
    70%
    Sodium 1011.4 mg
    42%
    Total Carbohydrate 172.4 g
    57%
    Dietary Fiber 8.3 g
    33%
    Sugars 103.2 g
    413%
    Protein 8.9 g
    17%

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