Christmas Cake

Christmas Cake is one of the traditional joys of the holiday season - but it also fills the producer with terror - in case it isn't perfect. This is the antidote, and is exactly what you need for Christmas - a laugh!

Ready In:
5hrs
Serves:
Yields:
Units:

ingredients

directions

  • Sample the Vodka to check quality.
  • Take a large bowl, check the Vodka again.
  • to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.
  • Repeat.
  • Turn on the electric mixer.
  • Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
  • Add one teaspoon sugar.
  • Beat again.
  • At this point it is best to make sure that the Vodka is shtill OK.
  • try another cup-- just in case.
  • Turn off the mixerer.
  • Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in a cup of dried fruit.
  • Pick fruit up off floor.
  • Mix on the turner.
  • If the dried fruit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.
  • Sample the Vodka to check for tonsisticity.
  • Next sift two cups of salt.
  • Or something.
  • Who giveshz a whip.
  • Check the Vodka.
  • Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
  • Add one table.
  • Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink.
  • Whatever you can find.
  • Greash the oven.
  • Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
  • Don't forget to beat off the turner.
  • Finally throw the bowl through the window, finish the Vodka and kick the cat.
  • Cherry Mistmas!
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RECIPE MADE WITH LOVE BY

@Phyllis Elias
Contributor
@Phyllis Elias
Contributor
"Christmas Cake is one of the traditional joys of the holiday season - but it also fills the producer with terror - in case it isn't perfect. This is the antidote, and is exactly what you need for Christmas - a laugh!"
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  1. gingerbumblebee
    Made me laugh out loud!
    Reply
  2. eknecht
    Love it..I needed the laugh! Thanks for posting!
    Reply
  3. BlueRibbonPieMom
    Now, I can't say that I've tried it yet (too many little kids running around these days) but I will! :-) Thank you so much for such a funny recipe, makes my day every time I read it!
    Reply
  4. Chef Binkie
    I have searched for this recipe high and low. My husband and I laughed so hard. This is definately going to be a keeper. I think I will make it right before I do the *#@%* Christmas cards. Cherry Mistmis and a Slappy yew near.
    Reply
  5. Marmies
    Well Phyllis...My Grandmother would roll over in her grave!! How did you obtain her recipe??? I thought she took it with her!! I am so happy you posted it... now I can continue the family tradition!! At last I have been redeemed! Bless you! and Merry Christmas!!
    Reply
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