Is Ranch the Perfect Dip for Fries? We Tried Them All To Find Out

From the classic to the revolutionary, the true marker of a salad dressing is its compatibility with fried potatoes.

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The Lineup

When life gives you ranch dressing, eat it all with fried potatoes.

Not the conventional advice, but that is nonetheless what did last week when it pitted some of the most classic and most revolutionary ranch dressings against one another for an epic and creamy taste bud adventure.

Using FDC's Proprietary Deliciousness Ranking (a scale of 1 to 5), the dressings were scrutinized by professionals and given a grade. The tasting was done blind, in the following, random order, with the bottles hidden from the participants.

How did your favorite fare?

Ken's Farmhouse Ranch

FDC’s Proprietary Deliciousness Rating: 1.67 / 5

Ken’s dressings are all-around classics, but the FDC team was skeptical with its first dip. The Farmhouse Ranch definitely did the job, but it could have been thicker. It was a vegetal ranch that would have been perfect in a party tray with a nice broccoli floret.

Kraft Classic Ranch

FDC’s Proprietary Deliciousness Rating: 3.65 / 5

Kraft Classic Ranch was this tasting’s sleeper hit, with the majority of participants believing it to be “the real sh*t, right there.” It was the best-ranked classic ranch dressing, even coming in above the original Hidden Valley ranch. Surprise! All of the team wanted to continue eating this, and 80% would put it on a pizza.

Sir Kensington's Buffalo Ranch

FDC’s Proprietary Deliciousness Rating: 3.75 / 5

A classic ranch this is not. Incredibly, though, Sir Kensington’s Buffalo Ranch was the winner of this taste test. The majority of the team would have not only continued eating this, but would have happily licked it off a plate. A whopping 80% would have put it on a pizza, including this writer, who still struggles to comprehend why anyone would put ranch on a pizza.

Sir Kensington's Pizza Ranch

FDC’s Proprietary Deliciousness Rating: 0.9 / 5

Sir Kensington’s Pizza Ranch was made to go on pizza. It has a very strong flavor of oregano and vinegar—so much so that some of thought it was Caesar dressing. Despite the company’s intentions, this one is better for salad.

Newman's Own "100% Profits to Charity" Ranch

FDC’s Proprietary Deliciousness Rating: 2.15 / 5

Charitable giving can be sweet, and it turns out that charitable ranch can be sweet, too. Newman’s Own Ranch was described as “dessert ranch.” A solid ranch for fresh veggies, though perhaps not fried potatoes.

Whataburger Spicy Jalapeño Ranch

FDC’s Proprietary Deliciousness Rating: 3.15 / 5

Whataburger's Spicy Jalapeño Ranch was not only one of the most exciting ranch dressings, it was also the most divisive. Tasting notes ranged from “curry” to “sour-creamed chili,” and the majority of the team wanted to keep eating it. If you like a slow-building spice, you might want to try this one on your pizza.

Hidden Valley Ranch

FDC’s Proprietary Deliciousness Rating: 3.25 / 5

So how did the original fare? Well, by the time the team got to Hidden Valley Ranch, they were convinced that they had already tasted it. Nonetheless, appreciated that it was “creamy” and “cheesy,” and really enjoyed it overall.

Wishbone Ranch

FDC’s Proprietary Deliciousness Rating: 3.47 / 5

As fate would have it, Wishbone Ranch was the runner-up after Kraft in the classics department. One taster claimed that it was “the only one that tasted like ranch.” With its rich taste and creamy texture, 80% wanted to keep eating it and 60% was willing to douse their slice of ‘za in it.

Sir Kensington's Classic Ranch with Avocado

FDC’s Proprietary Deliciousness Rating: 0.45 / 5

Sir Kensington's Classic Ranch with Avocado was most preferred by the members of who reported their favorite color to be “blush.” Unfortunately, that was not enough to save it from the criticism that it was not really ranch. With its hint of lime it’s probably a better option for dressing salads, which, to be fair, is what ranch was originally made for anyway.