This Father’s Day, Give Dad a Bust Made of Kraft Cheese

Jump into the bidding war currently taking place on eBay.

By Ethan L. Johns
June 11, 2018

Image: Kraft

There is something pure and true about the jokes made by fathers. Often, the truth is that the jokes are so bad that they’re good. If you want to celebrate your dad’s cheesy sense of humor this Father’s Day with an equally cheesy gift, why don’t you just cut straight to the cheese and order him a melting image of himself?

If you want a life-sized bust of your old man—and you want it entirely made of cheese—Kraft is about to make your dairy dreams come true. The company announced on Monday that it would be auctioning off five such cheddar busts, each one custom-made for the buyer’s Daddy-o, to the highest bidders on eBay.

Bidding for the auction will run until 6 p.m. EST on Tuesday, at which point the five highest bidders will be contacted immediately and asked for photos of their fathers. Professional food artists will then take a couple days to carve your papa’s likeness out of a 40-pound block of Kraft sharp cheddar cheese. The finished cheese bust will be delivered to the bidder’s address before Father’s Day, so they can be wowed with their child’s ridiculous purchase.

“At Kraft, we believe that you don’t have to be perfect to be great in the eyes of your kids,” said Anne Field, Kraft’s director of brand building, in a statement. “Will your cheese sculpture be perfect? No. Will it be great? Absolutely (kinda like dad).”

All of the proceeds from the sale of these five busts will be matched dollar-for-dollar by Kraft (up to $25,000) and donated to Feeding America, which provides hunger relief to Americans in need. At the time of writing, bidding on the cheese sculptures had reached $2,025.

While you might have been excited to eat your dad’s weight in cheese, please refrain; Kraft insists that these sculptures should not be eaten.

“Some men are chiseled from marble, but your dad will be sculpted from cheese—cheese that, like your dad, is not meant to be consumed,” reads the eBay item description.

“Seriously, don’t eat it.”

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About Ethan L. Johns

Ethan is the Food News Writer at Genius Kitchen. An expert on the Parisian bistrot, he likes bitters and salted butters, and is no fan of dessert unless it's made with fruit. His hobbies include reading up on the history of borscht and attempting to roll perfect couscous by hand. Twits & Instagram @EthanLJohns