Merry Christmas from the Colonel: KFC Hawks Holiday Goodies

Plus, wrap ‘em all up with fried chicken wrapping paper.

By Ethan L. Johns
December 11, 2017

Image: KFC

Peak holiday season may be upon us, but if you’re still scrambling to fill up Santa’s sleigh there is not yet reason to panic. Got any fried food fans in your fam? The fast food chain formerly known as Kentucky Fried Chicken is back with a new line of finger lickin’ goodies that are sure to feed all the hype beasts on your gift list.

Since KFC launched its merchandise platform—KFC Ltd.— back in July, the internet has been awash with food brands trying to win their piece of the viral swag pie. Now, KFC is back for round two, and everything they’re selling can be wrapped up in ultra-crisp fried chicken wrapping paper.

For those who want to wear their Kentucky allegiance on their sleeves, try gifting the Colonel Santa shirt. It’s got a big picture of the Colonel on it, only he’s wearing Santa’s hat. For new homeowners (or even just new couch-owners), pick up a pair of fried chicken pillows. Don’t worry, they’ll only get grease-stained if you use them as placemats for your personal box of golden-brown chicken bits.

If you’re really looking to weird out your guests, throw up a few framed portraits of the Colonel on your wall. They might ask you if it’s a photo of grandpa, and if they do, you can just let them marinate in the silence of their fried chicken ignorance.

If you’re on a budget, don’t be chicken; grab some stickers and make a card with your signature blend of 11 nouns and adjectives. Or order a coffee mug that says “Morning Gravy” on it, to show everybody what you’d rather be drinking.

Oh, and if you’re looking to go out on the lam this holiday season and hide from your Instagram notifications, the four-person KFC Internet Escape Pod is still available for the attractively reduced price of $5,000. But then how would you show off your new presents to your cloud friends?

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About Ethan L. Johns

Ethan is the Food News Writer at Genius Kitchen. An expert on the Parisian bistrot, he likes bitters and salted butters, and is no fan of dessert unless it's made with fruit. His hobbies include reading up on the history of borscht and attempting to roll perfect couscous by hand. Twits & Instagram @EthanLJohns