White Castle Promotes a Liquid Burger Protein Shake

Build muscle and drink burgers with this product that doesn’t actually exist.

By Ethan L. Johns
March 29, 2018

Image: Robert Alexander/Getty Images

From $35,000 bottles of ranch dressing to shoes that order pizza at the press of a button, many branded promotions these days seem stranger than fiction. So sometimes we need a good dose of actual fiction to confuse us and keep us on our toes.

White Castle obliged on Wednesday, when it announced that it was releasing a brand-new protein powder for getting “swole” muscles. The main ingredient? White Castle’s famous square sliders, of course! White Castle explained that its new Whey Protein Powder would be made using their 100 percent beef patties, complete with “a powerful essence of onions,” which would be available beginning April 1st.

If that sounds too strange to be true, your gut instincts would be spot-on. Available beginning April 1st? April Fools!

Not that we don’t love the sound of gulping down “27 sliders scientifically granulated into 189 grams of pure Whey Protein,” but we’ll probably stick with the real thing.

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The intricate prank even included an absurd, lo-fi, As Seen on TV-style promo video (which you can watch here, if you dare), which features a well-sculpted bro throwing around gym rat slang (think: “Good news, Jabroni,” or “Get ripped, Shaquille Bro-Neal”).

Throw in a few canned quotes for good measure, and you’ve got a legitimately fake product:

"Today, we're again blazing new trails for slider lovers everywhere by providing a Crave-able supplement, packed with the protein of real White Castle sliders and complete with a powerful essence of onions," said White Castle VP Jamie Richardson in a statement. "We know that this dive into serious muscle development is a bold move and according to the results of our 6-month study, our taste testers are going to need bigger sleeves!"

Now we’ll just have to wait for the liquid French fries on the side.

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About Ethan L. Johns

Ethan is the Food News Writer at Genius Kitchen. An expert on the Parisian bistrot, he likes bitters and salted butters, and is no fan of dessert unless it's made with fruit. His hobbies include reading up on the history of borscht and attempting to roll perfect couscous by hand. Twits & Instagram @EthanLJohns