Starbucks Gets Mystical with Limited Crystal Ball Frappuccino

Forget unicorns and have your fortune read by whipped milk.

By Ethan L. Johns
March 22, 2018

Image: Starbucks

We’re no psychics, but the medieval trend in food seems ripe for continuation. First came the unicorns, riding in on their rainbow cakes and confetti fillings. Now, it seems the sorceresses are set to invade, with crystal balls coming in hot.

With Starbucks’ new, limited-time Crystal Ball Frappuccino, curious customers will have their futures revealed by their baristas, who will translate the inner workings of the universe into colorful, fortune-telling candy.

The stars are all aligned for you from March 22nd until March 26th, during which time you can go to any Starbucks and ask for one of these colorful witches’ brews. First, the soft frappuccino cream will be blended with peach-flavored syrup and turquoise “sparkles,” which turn the drink into a mystical whirlwind of spiritual energy and lactose. Repeat the magic incantation (“I am an adult! I am an adult!”) as your barista adds peach-flavored whipped cream, and as you fork over your parents’ hard-earned dollars for this.

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Once these steps are complete, hold your breath as the colored candy gems decide your fate for the day. Blue sprinkles means “adventure.” You never know where this day will take you, so be prepared and pack your satellite phone. Green means luck. Don’t spend all those lottery winnings in one place, now. Finally, purple means magic. So if you find yourself faced with a magician on the street, be a kind person and just stay to watch his stupid card trick.

Naturally, Starbucks would like you to know that it is, in no way, shape, or form, responsible “for any luck or lack of luck” that might befall you over the course of your day.

Please remember that, no matter how much you put in the tip jar, your barista cannot actually see the future.

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About Ethan L. Johns

Ethan is the Food News Writer at Genius Kitchen. An expert on the Parisian bistrot, he likes bitters and salted butters, and is no fan of dessert unless it's made with fruit. His hobbies include reading up on the history of borscht and attempting to roll perfect couscous by hand. Twits & Instagram @EthanLJohns