Pilfering Possum Breaks into Liquor Store & Downs Bottle of Bourbon

Tubthumping varmint gets woozy with the boozy.

By Ethan L. Johns
December 04, 2017

Image: Barry King/WireImage

Some wonder whether their beloved pets shouldn’t be able to partake in a pint with their owners. Well, heck, there are even some companies that custom make beer for dogs. But what happens when an opossum sneaks into your stash and downs a whole bottle of the hard stuff?

When an employee at Cash’s Liquor Store in Fort Walton Beach, Florida, came into work on the Friday after Thanksgiving, he was surprised to find a young opossum hanging out next to a broken, empty bottle of bourbon. The opossum had apparently decided to use the holiday as an excuse to drink itself into a stupor with an entire bottle of liquor. Say, what’s the drinking age for opossums, anyway?

Police arrived and sped the drooling varmint over to a local wildlife refuge, where staff pumped the monstrous-looking thing full of liquid in order to sober it up. It took a couple of days, but the pointy-nosed demon weasel made a full recovery and was released into the wild a couple days later.

The lab technicians noted that the beast did not seem to have a hangover, though there is no information as to whether it sought out the hair of the dog after being released.

The store’s owner, Cash Moore, was able to pinpoint the possom’s point of entry, and noted that it was the first time in his life he had seen a wild animal drink his booze, let alone a “whole damn bottle” of it. Like any good salesman would do, Moore used the opportunity to promote his wares.

“It goes to show that even the animals are impressed with Cash’s,” he said.

Perhaps. Or maybe the opossum’s opossum friends just dared him to do it. Either way, our little marsupial friend is going to have one hell of a story to tell at the possum pub.

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About Ethan L. Johns

Ethan is the Food News Writer at Genius Kitchen. An expert on the Parisian bistrot, he likes bitters and salted butters, and is no fan of dessert unless it's made with fruit. His hobbies include reading up on the history of borscht and attempting to roll perfect couscous by hand. Twits & Instagram @EthanLJohns