Food-Themed Yule Logs Will Make You Hungry for the Holidays

This holiday season, upgrade your yule log with the satisfying sounds and sights of your favorite foods.

By Ethan L. Johns
December 21, 2017

Image: Krispy Kreme/YouTube

The “Yule log” was once a very special piece of wood that was burned during the holiday season—specifically during the Germanic, pagan holiday of Yule—and once lit it would smolder away for several days, providing luck and life-giving warmth. Over the years, as fireplaces evaporated into the annals of extinction, the true heat of the burning log was replaced by images on a television screen. As humanity fell deeper and deeper into unabashed gluttony, the log was replaced by sizzling steaks and warm doughnuts.

These are some of the season’s best and more flavorful (branded) alternatives to the traditional TV log. Gather ‘round and salivate, or simply leave them on in the background.

Your family’s politics might be dividing you, but at least everyone can agree that bacon is delicious. So to bring the family together, Applegate went quasi-traditional by throwing a cast-iron skillet on top of the fire, and used it to crisp up some bacon. It’s got that fatty crackling and popping; the only thing that’s missing is the smell.

You could also try for a bit more char. Burger fans in the house? Carl’s Jr. and Hardee’s have conveyor-belt burgers, slowly crawling toward you while they get licked by yellow flames. Too bad 3D technology hasn’t been created yet to send them straight into your mouth.

Maybe you’re one of those folks (proclaim it loud and proud, comrades!) who prefers dogs to burgers. Well, luckily for you, there’s the “Yule Dog,” which features two straight hours of dogs being cooked over a charcoal grill, one after the other.

Or perhaps you like the idea of watching a real dog hang out by the fire. Well, Budweiser’s gift to you this holiday season features a video of their signature Dalmatian and Clydesdale horse. Just eating hay and stuff. How rustic.

For dessert, watch two hours of Krispy Kreme doughnuts rolling through the glazing machine, as though the glazing machine was situated inside your fireplace. Keep an eye out for some non-edible goodies that also get their turn to be soaked in liquid sugar.

Finally, as an after-dinner treat, grab a glass of Scotch and throw on a 45-minute video of Parks and Recreation’s Nick Offerman sitting in a cozy armchair next to a fire with his own glass of Lagavulin in-hand, staring you down. We dare you not to laugh.

Not content with watching the television? Light up your own log if you can. Or, if you don’t have a fireplace, you can make one out of food and have it for dessert.

As a non-food bonus to all of you Star Wars fans, gather your family around, light a torch and say goodbye to Darth Vader—for four hours straight. Oh, and then there’s always the exploding log, featuring none other than Terry Crews.

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About Ethan L. Johns

Ethan is the Food News Writer at Genius Kitchen. An expert on the Parisian bistrot, he likes bitters and salted butters, and is no fan of dessert unless it's made with fruit. His hobbies include reading up on the history of borscht and attempting to roll perfect couscous by hand. Twits & Instagram @EthanLJohns