Eat Your Way Through Kylie Jenner’s Baby Announcement

Your food cravings and your Kardashian cravings, all in one article.

By Ethan L. Johns
February 06, 2018

Additional reporting by Hannah Petertil.

After months of secrecy; months of rumors; months spent out of the public eye; months spent living like a normal person (worth a reported $386 million), 20-year-old TV personality Kylie Jenner released a video to YouTube on Sunday announcing the birth of her daughter, Stormi. The infant’s father was confirmed to be Jenner’s boyfriend, rapper Travis Scott.

As the GK team navigated the emotional ups and downs of the announcement video—which featured cameos from the who’s who of planet Kardashian—it also collectively realized that it was navigating the ups and downs of a hormonal young woman’s pregnancy-induced food cravings.

We have outlined (with hyperlinks) the real celebrity cameos for you below.

Setting the scene. It’s Kylie’s birthday. We know this, because there is a birthday cake—complete with frosting flowers—on the counter that reads, “Happy Birthday Kylie.” Our curiosity is piqued.

The candles are blown out with difficulty because there’s a child in Kylie’s arms. Oh wait, that’s not her child. Who does this child belong to? I’m sure we could figure it out, but we were distracted by the massive tiramisu in front of momma Kris Jenner.

Oh look! Another child!

Fast forward to Kylie in the OBGYN’s chair. She may not even be worth $400 million (peasant?), but it’s feeling #relatable, because we all go to the doctor’s office sometimes. Kylie wants to know about baby weight, because, boy, is it creeping up.

“It’s just, In-N-Out these days, literally tastes like… it’s the best thing I’ve ever had,” she bemoans, emphasis on the “literally,” most likely smiling with uncontrollable pleasure at the thought of a Double-Double with cheese.

“Can I tell you something?” asks the doctor. “Never eat In-N-Out.”

So much for doctor’s orders. Cut to Kylie and friends at an In-N-Out drive-through.

Double cheeseburger,” she commands, confirming our aforementioned hypothesis “And fries, well-done.”

Oh, hello! We’ve arrived at the baby shower. Emotional music plays. Wait a second, has this emotional music been playing non-stop this entire time? The GK team rewinds. Yes, yes it has. Anyway, Kylie’s latte has a baby bottle on it, which is cool, but it would be cooler if it had her face on it. And, nestled amongst the millennial pink everything, a chocolate fountain (yes, we really do have a recipe for a chocolate fountain)!

For Christmas, a veritable feast was prepared on Kylie’s plate with all the traditional fixings. Two hamburgers (“one for me, one for the baby”), two different types of French fries (“because I really like regular fries and she really likes sweet potato fries”), a big heap of mac n’ cheese, some greens and, with a healthy dose of side-eye, one singular rib.

Perhaps the gingerbread mansion on the kitchen counter is where Kylie, Travis and baby will reside once baby is born? Probably not, because that’s ridiculous.

Anyways, after that there’s a hospital, some crying, a charming dedication. One gaping error? No hospital food! How did they cut that out of the movie? It’s not like there was something more important, like a baby being born. Oh wait.

In a post to Instagram on Tuesday, the child’s name was released to the world. Hello, Stormi!

We’ll toast to your health and innocence with a Dark and Stormy.

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About Ethan L. Johns

Ethan is the Food News Writer at Genius Kitchen. An expert on the Parisian bistrot, he likes bitters and salted butters, and is no fan of dessert unless it's made with fruit. His hobbies include reading up on the history of borscht and attempting to roll perfect couscous by hand. Twits & Instagram @EthanLJohns