Not so Hot Dogs

The perfect hot dog recipe for the Zombie Apocalypse!

• Ready In: 2 hrs 10 mins
• Serves: 1

Ingredients

• 1  hot dog
• 5  ounces lime juice
• 1  tomatoes
• 2  tablespoons sugar
• 1  mustard powder
• 2  ounces water
• 3  tablespoons flour or 3  tablespoons  ground-up  breadcrumbs
• 1  sheet  aluminum foil

Directions

1. It's the zombie apocalypse. You need to eat quickly, both to keep yourself energized in the ongoing fight against the ravenous zombie populace, and to temporarily distract yourself from the bleakness of your surroundings. So what do you make? This recipe.
2. First, remove the hot dog from its plastic covering. Set aside plastic covering. Place the hot dog on the sheet of aluminum foil or at the base of a paint bucket (you're going to need a paint bucket and brush, by the way, or a similar substitute). Pour a narrow trail of Borax (you're also going to need Borax) around the outside base perimeter of the bucket or outside the perimeter of the tin foil sheet. This will dissuade ants and roaches from crossing the barrier to your meal while it's cooking. Thoroughly dowse the hot dog with lime juice (use all of it). The lime juice will 'cook' the hot dog. In the plastic container, place the tomato and smash with a hammer or rock until pulpy. Add sugar (and spices, if you have any; if not, pull some bitter weeds from someone's yard, grind up, add to taste). Stir until the tomato and sugar and spices look something like what you used to remember ketchup looked like.
3. Add some flour or breadcrumbs until it thickens. Let stand for three minutes. Place hot dog on plate and cover with tomato/sugar/flour or breadcrumb mixture. Mix mustard powder with an ounce of water and paint on to the hot dog. The lime juice will mix with the mustard powder and actually begin to taste like mustard.  Eat quickly while thinking about better days.
4. FOOD FIGHT FACTOR: Keep hammer close by in the event you're attacked. Oh, while preparing and cooking your meal, don't forget to grab a compact makeup mirror and place it at eye level in front of you and facing over your shoulder so you can see if any zombies are coming up from behind you. This is a really good idea and we probably should have mentioned it first.