Recipe by Bone Man
Several years ago, when I was managing a state park resort, I maintained a standing complaint against a particular head chef who insisted on serving INSTANT MASHED POTATOES to the guests in my beautiful main dining room. I bugged him about it daily and he would always say that he "doctored them up" and no one could tell the difference... but I COULD tell the difference. Long story short, my birthday rolled around and all the waitresses and kitchen staff surprised me that afternoon with a beautiful birthday cake when I showed up for lunch. The aggrieved chef joyfully served me the first piece and I took a big bite ONLY TO DISCOVER THAT IT WAS PURE INSTANT MASHED POTATOES MADE ONLY WITH WATER AND FOOD COLORING!!! YUK!!! So, the moral is, "Never cross the chef." You put this thing together pretty much like a regular birthday cake, piping on the colored "icing" (food colored mixed potatoes. You can even make the inside yellow (more food coloring) if you wish. And please..... rate me on the "effectiveness of the (unpleasant) surprise" -- not the flavor, folks. And, yes, there are people who really do deserve a cake like this, such as myself! Oh, yes, I almost forgot.... there are about 20 servings but I assure you that only one of those servings will get tasted.
- 48 ounces instant mashed potatoes
- food coloring (2 or three colors, your choice)
- cooking spray
Directions See How It's Made
- In a large mixing bowl, blend 3/4 of the dry mashed potatoes with just enough water to make them very thick. Add a little yellow food coloring if you wish to emulate a yellow cake.
- Spray a very large rectangular baking pan with cooking spray and transfer the potatoes to it, spreading the top (which will soon be the bottom) flat with a spatula.
- Bake at 375 degrees for about 45 minutes. Allow to cool for at least 30 minutes so you can handle the pan.
- Transfer the baked mashed potatoes to a hard flat surface (such as very stiff white cardboard or a baking sheet) by placing the hard surface on top of the pan and carefully flipping it over so that the "cake" is transferred to the hard surface. You may need a little help with this. (I would not recommend making this cake with a bundt pan, unless it was a spring-form pan.).
- Mix the remaining potatoes, again with just enough water to make them thick. Use most of these uncolored potatoes to "ice" the cake. Add blue or red food coloring to the last of the potatoes to pipe on an edging and/or a nice "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" If you run out of potatoes, you can always mix up a few more with water since the "icing" doesn't get baked.
- It's best if someone "serves" the first piece to your victim. I will warn you that a crowd of grinning faces surrounding the unfortunate soul may alert him or her to a rat in the cheese.