Fruitcake

Submitted by teresas

"Not an actual recipe."

 

• Ready In: 2hrs
• Ingredients: 13
• Serves: 1

ingredients

• 1 cup water
• 1 cup butter
• 1 cup sugar
• 4 large eggs
• 2 cups dried fruit
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1 cup brown sugar
• 2 cups flour
• 1 tablespoon lemon juice
• 1 cup nuts, chopped
• 1 gallon wine

directions

1. Sample the wine to check for quality.
2. Take a large bowl.
3. Check the wine again to make sure it's of the highest quality.
4. Pour 1 level cup and drink.
5. Repeat if your're not sure.
6. Turn on the electric mixer and beat butter in a large fluffy bowl.
7. Add sugar and beat again.
8. Make sure wine is still okay. Cry another cup.
9. Turn off the mixer.
10. Break two legs and add the bowl along with the vanilla extract and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
11. Mix on the turner.
12. If the fruit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a screwdriver.
13. Sample the wine again to check for tonsisticity.
14. Next, Sift 2 cups of salt or something. Who cares.
15. Check the wine.
16. Now sift the lemon juice and strain the nuts.
17. Add 1 table. Spoon. Of sugar or flour or something. Whatever you can find.
18. Grease the oven.
19. Turn the cake pan to 350 degrees.
20. Throw one bowl outside the window.
21. Check the wine again.
22. Go to bed.
23. Who the heck likes fruitcake anyway?

Reviews

[whtbxrmom]

Probably the only fruitcake recipe I'd ever try. he,he,he Thanks for bringing a smile to my face!

 

[WillowCloud]

I love these kind of "recipes", very cute

 

[KayKayPuff]

so funny! Thanks for posting!

 

[Rose is Rose]

This is an oldie but goodie. I think it qualifies as a "classic". The disclaimer "Not an actual recipe" should tell you right away it's not real. That drew my attention and made me want to read it. Thank you for the cute post and a pox on the Grinches. Maybe Santa will leave coal in your stockings!

 

[Little Woman]

Love it! Some sourpusses obviously need to try this recipe!