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    You are in: Home / Community Forums / Community Cafe / What would you do? (long)
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    What would you do? (long)

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    BB502
    Tue Feb 05, 2013 12:24 am
    Food.com Groupie
    As a gift for Christmas, our Son and DIL wanted to gift us with a trip to Walt Disney World in Orlando FL & Universal Studios, etc. My DH and myself are both having problems with our health. Neither one of us can walk much ( mine from an auto accident years ago and current physical problems). My DH has problems with his legs, due to Diabetes and two lung diseases. We cannot even walk a mall or city block.Even fairs have been out for the last few years. Anyway, our Son wants us to do this vacation and they'll meet us in Orlando, with his DS. Then the five of us will spend one day at Disney, one day at Epcot, one day at Legoland, one day at Universal and one day at SeaWorld FL. My DH and I have never been to Disney and always wanted to go.(Son has taken his family there several times). The problem is...Son will not permit us to use canes, walkers, scooters or wheelchairs. Without any of these I cannot walk more than 30 feet. Son knows this, The Trip was to take place on Easter Vacation in March.
    DH told Son we are very appreciative of the thought, but we cannot go. Since DH told him, day after Christmas,we cannot go, Son hasn't spoken or written or emailed, us. When we call him (they live in another State) they have the voicemail pick-up the messages. We are so sad that he isn't accepting the fact that we WANT to go, but with the restrictions, we cannot. What can we do? It's hurting us that we aren't able to go and that they are so angry......if we spent more time at Disney and used some support to walk, we could go.But we would go slower. With such a full schedule for five days...we've never been there, it would take more time at each place to visit. Are we at fault for their anger? Did we do something wrong? icon_cry.gif
    Lilla
    Tue Feb 05, 2013 3:50 am
    Forum Host
    BB502 wrote:
    As a gift for Christmas, our Son and DIL wanted to gift us with a trip to Walt Disney World in Orlando FL & Universal Studios, etc. My DH and myself are both having problems with our health. Neither one of us can walk much ( mine from an auto accident years ago and current physical problems). My DH has problems with his legs, due to Diabetes and two lung diseases. We cannot even walk a mall or city block.Even fairs have been out for the last few years. Anyway, our Son wants us to do this vacation and they'll meet us in Orlando, with his DS. Then the five of us will spend one day at Disney, one day at Epcot, one day at Legoland, one day at Universal and one day at SeaWorld FL. My DH and I have never been to Disney and always wanted to go.(Son has taken his family there several times). The problem is...Son will not permit us to use canes, walkers, scooters or wheelchairs. Without any of these I cannot walk more than 30 feet. Son knows this, The Trip was to take place on Easter Vacation in March.
    DH told Son we are very appreciative of the thought, but we cannot go. Since DH told him, day after Christmas,we cannot go, Son hasn't spoken or written or emailed, us. When we call him (they live in another State) they have the voicemail pick-up the messages. We are so sad that he isn't accepting the fact that we WANT to go, but with the restrictions, we cannot. What can we do? It's hurting us that we aren't able to go and that they are so angry......if we spent more time at Disney and used some support to walk, we could go.But we would go slower. With such a full schedule for five days...we've never been there, it would take more time at each place to visit. Are we at fault for their anger? Did we do something wrong? icon_cry.gif


    Hi, there. Firstly, I'm sorry for this. It is sad, and, in my opinion based on reading the above, you don't deserve it. I must ask - why won't your son let you use any devices to help you walk?
    BB502
    Tue Feb 05, 2013 4:07 am
    Food.com Groupie
    Our Son doesn't like weakness in any form. He is, we believe, ashamed of us because it draws attention...I know when I use a cane, he gets upset. I asked if I could rent a Scooter in Orlando, and he fumed at me and said I could sit all by myself in the hot sun, in my Scooter, while they rode rides and went in exhibits....in other words DO NOT use anything to draw attention. That's all we know, he won't talk to us. icon_cry.gif
    He doesn't know the extent of our illnesses because we can't discuss them with him or his wife. I did leave a message last week, letting him know that I had a TIA stroke and was ill and that his Dad just found out he is losing his sight in one eye, and needs surgery....nothing, no phone call. He is our only child and we thought we raised him right. ???

    Forgot to mention that Son and DIL gifted a trip to her parents to Hawaii and the four of them went in January. Do you think that maybe he felt he HAD to gift us some sort of trip, like Orlando FL, to make him look good??


    Last edited by BB502 on Tue Feb 05, 2013 1:22 pm, edited 1 time in total
    Chicagoland Chef du Jour
    Tue Feb 05, 2013 6:36 am
    Food.com Groupie
    Geeze, I am very sorry you are being treated this way.
    This blows my mind, really. You have done nothing wrong. Your son is acting like a spoiled brat.

    If your son truly wanted you to go along. He should accept you "warts & all".
    There is no reason not to allow a cane or a scooter. Hundreds of people use them in theme parks.

    Personally, I don't see why he made a gift purchase like this knowing full well you could not abide by his rules. He set you up to disappoint. Pretty selfish, on his part, as I see it.

    You and your husband have done all that you can do (in emails, phone calls & messages) the rest is up to him. I honestly don't know what else to say.
    Okra
    Tue Feb 05, 2013 7:25 am
    Food.com Groupie
    This just broke my heart when I read it. I'm so sorry for you and your husband to be treated like this. Personally, I'd like to give your son and his wife a piece of my mind!
    Molly53
    Tue Feb 05, 2013 7:34 am
    Forum Host
    You didn't do anything wrong. The error would be if you subjected yourselves to his insensitive restrictions. If the people around you don't want to have your best interests at heart, then you must protect yourselves.

    It was mighty generous of him to make the Disney offer. That said, it's incomprehensible that he wouldn't want to make it as easy on you both as possible. Given the circumstances, I wouldn't be going either. Trying to struggle through multiple theme parks without the physical assistance you require doesn't sound like any fun at all. For anybody.

    FYI, Disney can handle your mobility needs. https://disneyworld.disney.go.com/faq/guests-with-disabilities/disabilities-epcot/
    Electric Scooters: https://disneyworld.disney.go.com/guest-services/ecv-rentals/

    If you do make the decision to go, perhaps the answer is for you and your husband to enjoy the parks on your own at your own pace, on your own terms and get together at the end of the day for family time. We do that all the time on cruises.

    Hugs.
    Dib's
    Tue Feb 05, 2013 8:04 am
    Food.com Groupie
    I know your hurt, I would be to.

    What makes me angry is your son's attitude. Big Time Angry!!!!!
    The only restrictions placed on you and your DH have been by your son. How dare he?!? Is he your Doctor?

    "Our Son doesn't like weakness in any form. He is, we believe, ashamed of us because it draws attention...I know when I use a cane, he gets upset. I asked if I could rent a Scooter in Orlando, and he fumed at me and said I could sit all by myself in the hot sun, in my Scooter, while they rode rides and went in exhibits....in other words DO NOT use anything to draw attention. That's all we know, he won't talk to us."

    icon_eek.gif WHAT!

    Again, I know your hurt and I do understand, but your son is acting like a jerk. Your the parent, your older and wiser than him, not to mention the fact that you and your Doctor know what is best for your health, certainly not your son and his misplaced embarrassment.

    grouphug.gif
    Connie Lea
    Tue Feb 05, 2013 9:43 am
    Food.com Groupie
    I can't believe the insensitivity of your son. He has absolutely no right to be angry with you or your DH. In fact I would be angry with him for placing those restrictions on you. Some day when he is older or has health issues, he will realize how wrong he was. I know that doesn't help now, but know that all of us at Community Cafe feel your pain and are angry for you.
    K9 Owned
    Tue Feb 05, 2013 9:54 am
    Forum Host
    I agree with all of the others.
    You did nothing wrong. His behaviour is unacceptable.
    I am so sorry that you are being hurt this way. grouphug.gif
    Zeldaz
    Tue Feb 05, 2013 10:18 am
    Food.com Groupie
    Totally unacceptable and arrogant behavior on his part. He'll be in a similar position someday (we all become disabled at some point in our lives), and can look back on his actions with regret.
    SarasotaCook
    Tue Feb 05, 2013 10:58 am
    Food.com Groupie
    Your son ... sorry, but he needs to grow up and get over himself. I went in a scooter with a broken foot. My mom went because of muscle tear in hear knee. My gramps went at age 70; had the time of his life. He had a scooter. Riding in a wheelchair or scooter is NOT a sign of weakness. If he truly loved and cared for you; that shouldn't matter. He should enjoy the time he gets to spend with you and see how happy you are.

    Disney and SeaWorld are a blast. It isn't just for kids. It's magical and wonderful.

    And, him ignoring you; that is just wrong, and I can't begin to say how upset I would be; and how disappointed I would be at his behavior.

    I have been mad at my parents before, and we had our week or two of not speaking; but with something like this - you have done nothing wrong.

    Why anyone thinks that use of a wheel chair, walker/cane, etc is a sign of weakness is beyond me. Wait until one day, he needs it; and then see how he feels.

    I'm sorry, I know he is your son; but, you haven't done anything wrong; and, I feel sorry for you. You shouldn't be treated like that.
    Dissie
    Tue Feb 05, 2013 11:27 am
    Food.com Groupie
    Your son deserves a spanking! HONESTLY!

    This just blows my mind. I would be bending over backwards to make sure everything was accommodating enough for my folks.

    I am sorry your son is behaving in this manner. Since he will not accept phone calls, write him a letter. Tell him how he is hurting you excluding you from the vacation with all his rules. icon_rolleyes.gif Atleast in a letter, you can say what you want to say without being cut off or interrupted.

    Shame on him!
    HalfBakedCappy
    Tue Feb 05, 2013 11:40 am
    Food.com Groupie
    I am sorry your son is treating you this way. You do not deserve it. DH's mom is 85 and has mobility issues. All of her children bend over backwards to make things easier for her. We want her to be a part of our lives and activities and do whatever is necessary so that she can join in. It is what caring children do. Sending you a hug.
    K9 Owned
    Tue Feb 05, 2013 11:57 am
    Forum Host
    I think sending him a letter is a good idea. Perhaps if he understands how much he is hurting you he will relax his views on his perception of weakness. If that doesn't then life sure will. Karma is a *.
    Julie in TX
    Tue Feb 05, 2013 12:24 pm
    Food.com Groupie
    Your son is a self-centered spoiled brat. The gift of this trip is all about him and has nothing to do with you or he would be happy that you're able to go without placing restrictions on it.

    I would write that young man a letter and point out a few things to him. It's selfish of him to give a gift with strings attached. That's why I'm sure the gift has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. You might mention in the letter that you're going to contact an attorney to see about changing your will. Tell him that you're going to leave the bulk of what you have to charity. I don't know how much he stands to inherit when you're no longer here, but if he's as self-centered as I think he is, I'll bet this will jerk that young man back to reality.

    Then you need to lay down some ground rules. Someone is only able to treat you the way you allow them to. He needs to receive the message loud and clear that his behavior will no longer be tolerated. I suspect the only way you're going to get that across is to make it about money. And as for changing the will, I'd do exactly that. I'll bet you've sacrificed all of your lives so that he could have the best of everything you could afford.

    I'm sorry that your son is immature and self-centered. He's a grown man though so I don't know that he's ever going to change. I know this is breaking your heart, but my advice to you would be to quit calling him and leaving messages. It's doing no good and only serves to keep you upset. And whatever you do, don't go on that trip and sacrifice your health just to pacify him. You'll not enjoy it at all and it could have some serious health consequences for you. Tell him in your letter that you appreciate the thought of the gift, but that with the strings that he's attached, you're not physically able to accept it. Then I would just leave it at that.
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